An article entitled “Almost Everyone’s Doing It” in Relevant magazine includes a poll that shows 80% of Evangelical singles admit to having pre-marital sex. What was even more surprising was another poll in the article showed that 65% of women who have abortions in the US identify themselves as Christian, but that’s a side topic.
The article goes on to try and determine what the reason is for such high pre-martial sexual relationships in Christians such as the influence from media, peer pressure, and how the average age of people getting married has gone up from the early 20’s to the late 20’s and it is just too hard to wait that long.
Out of curiosity, I thought I would look for statistics on LDS or Mormon singles. The only official study I found was from 20 years ago that stated 58% of LDS single women admit to having pre-marital sex. Since that study is pretty old and only relevant for LDS women, I would assume that if you threw men into the study and fast-forwarded it 20 years the statistics would be close to the same or maybe higher than the most recent study previously cited.
I definitely understand how hard it can be to wait to have sex until after marriage. I remember hanging out with a bunch of LDS guys one night when I was single. At the time, I was probably around 28 or 29. The topic of sex came up and as it turned out, me and one other guy were the only ones who hadn’t had sex yet. Even though I didn’t have sex before I was married, I was approached on quite a few occasions at the LDS school, BYU and (at the time) Rick’s College. Therefore, the results of this study do not surprise me.
I think there are many factors involved in why the amount of single Christians are having more pre-marital sex. From my experience as a single throughout all my 20’s and into my 30’s, I will share what I observed.
First, as humans, and especially in our 20’s, we have a very strong desire for sex. I went to Mormon schools where almost everyone was in the same age deomographic and the hormones are running high.
Next, there is pressure either blatantly, or subliminally through media in the form of books, magazines, movies, music, etc. to be sexual. If we just “go with the flow” so to speak and not turn off the media when we see it, or worse yet, seek it out, then it is no wonder that we at some point act on the thoughts that are in our head.
Next, I do think the later age of getting married does have relevance. Back in our parents’ day, they were married on average in their early 20’s. That is nearly 10 years younger and therfore, 10 years longer our generation has to wait.
Finally, I think many LDS Christians that I have seen feel they can sin now and repent later. This is a whole other topic of discussion, but to keep it short and simple, this way of thinking is damning to our souls and our society.
The question then, is how can we overturn or correct these statistics? Personally, I think an emphasis needs to really be placed on having a relationship with Jesus Christ. If we have that relationship, we’ll do all we can to stay close with Him. Even with that relationship, it is difficult to turn away, but personally I know that when you are in a situation where you can choose sex or choose God, God will give you strength to walk away.
Why do you think pre-marital sex is on the rise for Christians and what do you think needs to happen in order to bring those statistics down?
9 comments
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October 13, 2011 at 8:30 am
jks
One thing to point out is that there was a strong tendency to marry the person you had premarital sex with. A lot of Christians and Americans of past generations might slip up before the wedding but if they were in love and planning to marry (once they were out of high school for instance) it didn’t feel as wrong to them. Also, once officially engaged it was more ok.
With later marriage, it is less likely that the person you have sex with your senior year in high school or during your college years will be the person you marry.
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October 13, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Paul
These are striking statistics, both in the Relevant article and in the cited study about LDS women.
It’s interesting to wonder how these statistics may have changed over time (along with the other compartors such as marriage age). We assume they are increasing, but without a start point it is hard to know for sure.
It would also be interesting to note (for the LDS statistics) if those positive responders still self identify as LDS. I wonder, for instance, if the rate is higher among those who no longer identify as LDS.
Seems at least one reason why we heard in conference this time and in the past of the power and possibility of repentance and the blessings of the atonement.
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October 14, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Stephen M (Ethesis)
I have to add two things. One my brother observed (I typed a paper he wrote on the subject) is that as people get older, they feel that they have to get just a little bit more physical in every relationship to make each “real.” After they hit about 26, if they take that approach, well, there they are.
Second, you can do what I did (or how I made it to 29 and married before I had sex), and that is not have relationships that get very physical. That way you avoid the cycle.
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October 19, 2011 at 7:01 am
graceforgrace
Hi Stephen,
That is definitely great advice. It is playing with fire, the more physical you get with people and if your goal is to not have sex, why even start the fire at all, let alone add fuel to it.
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October 15, 2011 at 6:14 am
Doug
So many times I came close to caving in-but managed to keep my purity until my wedding night-it is among the most difficult things to control. I really believe that sex sins, inpart, are so powerful because you give a part of yourself to the other person.
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December 23, 2011 at 8:26 pm
George
When I first started going to conservative churches in college I started hearing some fiery preaching about abstinence until marriage. My pastor at that time (since retired) was a very nice man, so his fire-and-brimstone tirades against premarital sex seemed completely out of character. I privately asked him about it and he told me that between him, me, and the walls of his office it was just something that was targeted toward the teenage youth group. He said it wasn’t intended for me, or other adult singles in the church. After that I never really worried about it.
Years later I and my girl friend at the time were going to another church and the pastor there told me that the board of directors demanded he occasionally preach against the topic of premarital sex. The pastor privately told me he believed responsible single adults didn’t need to hear those sermons, but he had to preach it to keep his job. But he was kind enough to send me a warning email when he had to preach a strong sermon against premarital sex. On those weeks I and my girlfriend just skipped church and slept in.
I know today there are adult Christians who just take the premarital sex subject very seriously. But I think it’s a little sad that so many unmarried adult Christians just haven’t outgrown that issue.
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May 28, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Adrienne L
As a Christian I believe that premarital sex is a positive experience as long as practiced in a loving and caring relationship. Use precautions and you’ll be fine with society and God.
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May 29, 2012 at 6:57 am
graceforgrace
Adrienne,
I completely disagree with your comments. Sure premarital sex can be positive in the sense of the physical gratification one may feel, but it is not approved by God and I know that God is not fine with it as you have stated. Society may be fine with it, but God is not. If you reserve yourself for marriage, God can bless you with a far greater capacity to feel His Spirit.
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June 5, 2012 at 8:05 pm
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