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Recently, I read a post a lady shared about a road trip with her 90 year old father and it caused me to reflect on my own Grandfather, Nephi Anderson, who was 93 when he passed away just over 2 years ago.

He is a true inspiration to me and someone I will always look up to throughout my life. Hopefully some of what I share will be of inspiration and benefit for you.

Although he was a soldier in World War II, and part of the Greatest Generation, what he did after the War was even more impressive. He served a mission, married my Grandmother, started a small family business (dairy farm) in Southern Idaho, and successfully raised 8 amazing children (my 4 beautiful aunts, my wonderful father, and 3 excellent uncles), who went on to raise many amazing children (38 total), who are my siblings, and cousins (who are in turn, raising awesome families now).

I was blessed to have been raised next door to my Grandparents and work on the farm together alongside my Dad and Grandpa Anderson and I got to know my Grandpa very well as daily we would work together. He would often take time to teach me how to ride horses and we’d take rides together as well in the mountains behind our home in Southern Idaho.

One of the greatest honors of my life was when he approached me as he was planning his funeral and asked if I’d be the concluding speaker. It was an overwhelming thing for me, but I prayed often and took mental notes over the years about what I felt prompted to say. By the time his funeral actually came, I felt that Heaven had helped me prepare my thoughts.

Over the years, I’ve been very blessed to have had experiences with our Father in Heaven blessing me and lifting me up, answering prayers, and guiding me. But not many experiences compare to the spirit I felt as I was giving Grandpas talk.

Since some of our friends and family didn’t get a chance to experience the sacred experiences we all felt and shared at Grandpa’s funeral, I’ve included the talk below, which can also be found on his profile at familysearch.org online.

Walking like Grandpa: Talk Given at Grandpa’s Funeral

Hello friends and family. I’m grandpa’s oldest grandchild and as such, he would often call me his “firstborn in the wilderness”, referencing a verse from the Book of Mormon. On behalf of our family, I want to thank you all for being here. We love you all so much and I know Grandpa does too.

I grew up next door to Grandpa and would often come over to “help” him on the farm as a young boy. Being a farmer took a toll on his knees and by the time I was around 4-5 years old, and he was 60, his knees were already starting to give out on him.

One day, I was following him as he was walking on the farm. He turned around and caught me hobbling back and forth like he did with his bad knees. He asked me “why are you walking like that, my boy?” and I said “I’m walking like you Grandpa, but wouldn’t it be easier if you borrowed Elmer Andreason’s (the neighbor) cane?”

Today I’ve felt impressed to share the a few of the many ways throughout my life that I’ve been trying to walk in the footsteps of my Grandpa.

Being a Friend

Often, I would be with Grandpa as we would be driving around, checking on the fields and crops and he would get a thought about one of his fellow farmers and say out loud “I wonder how old “so-and-so” is doing..” He would then finish what we were doing and we would go over to visit that person. That person always left feeling better because Grandpa had a way of lifting people up and building up their confidence.

There are too many time to discuss how he did this for me personally, but I’ll share one example from when I was in high school. I was struggling early in high school with my self confidence and also from not having friends and Grandpa seemed to take notice of this and took me under his wing. Often, after school, he would spend time with me and teach me how to ride horses.

We would sometimes take horse trips up into the mountains behind our house. On those trips, the world seemed to slow down and we were just friends riding together on the trail. He would tell me stories about his adventures of his youth growing up in the desert on a ranch and of the fun he would have with his brother, Don Jr. he would always ride in front of me and I would watch carefully how he positioned himself on the horse, and how he would hold his body and put his arm on his leg. He would often smell in the smells of nature and talk about the “wonderful beauties of nature” that God has provided us.

On one of these trips, we were laying down next to a mountain lake (Independence Lakes) and we were eating our egg salad sandwiches. During this time, I looked over at Grandpa and thought about all the time we had been spending together and great conversations we’d had on the trail, and I said to him “Grandpa, I wish you were 14 years old too so we could hang out at school too. I think we’d be best friends.”

He was very touched by that and he said something to the effect of “My boy, I’m a little too old for high school now, but we can still be good friends now”.

I felt it in his actions and his words that he truly was my best friend.

Answer to a prayer

Later in life, in my late 20s I was struggling with depression and having very negative thoughts about myself. I didn’t know where to turn, so I turned to God in silent prayer and plead for an answer to show me he loved me and that my life had purpose and meaning.

Within 30 seconds after saying that prayer, my Grandpa Anderson called me on my cell phone. I answered and he said with his normal cheerful voice “Well, if it isn’t my grandson, Aaron. The firstborn in the wilderness. How are you doing?”

I proceeded to tell him of the depression I was feeling and he listened and then shared some very personal moments with me of a time when he was depressed for a number of months after my grandmother Faye’s death.

As he spoke, I remembered how sad he had been back then, and I also remember how he had used that sadness to empathize with many people who were down-trodden in life as he was a Church service missionary. Sometimes I would accompany him as we would deliver food to people in very poor circumstances, and he would lift them up and truly understand how they felt.

After our conversation, I knew that God loved me and cared for me because He had answered my prayer by having my Grandpa call me and speak words of love, comfort, and encouragement.

Relationship with God

Growing up, the joke between my brother and I was to have one of us say the prayer when we spent the night at Grandpas house because his prayers were so long!

It wasn’t until I was older that I truly appreciated his prayers and felt God’s presence as he prayed.

I was in a hotel room in Washington D.C. in 2015 with Grandpa on his World War II Honor Flight.

He was weak, and it was hard for him to kneel down, but he made the effort to do so. Then as he prayed, he poured out his heart in gratitude for the Savior and His atonement for us.

He thanked God for our family and prayed with the sincere love of a father for each of his kids and grandkids. As he was praying, I felt the love of God sweep over me and I opened my eyes to see if the room was full of angels. The only angel I saw was my dear Grandpa, who was ministering to me without even knowing it.

My chance to minister to him

The last time I saw my Grandpa Anderson is a moment I will treasure throughout my life. It was my chance to help him in a small way and try and repay him for everything he had done for me throughout my life. It was the summer of 2019 and we were both staying at my dad’s house.

I was in the kitchen and Grandpa had retired into his bedroom. I was about to go in and watch tv with my siblings and hang out, when I felt a distinct impression to go in and check on my grandpa.

Thankfully, I followed that impression.

As I opened the door, I saw my Grandpa Anderson struggling to reach down and take his socks off. He looked up at me and with a twinkle in his eye said “My boy! Never get old!” I laughed and asked him if I could help him take his socks off.

As I took his socks off, I noticed how weathered his feet were and he mentioned how they were sore. So I started rubbing his feet and asked him if that helped him. He told me that it did.

As I continued to rub his feet, we reminisced about all of the experiences we’d had in life. Riding horses, hearing cougars up in the mountains, our trip to Washington D.C.

As we talked and I looked at his feet, I realized these were the feet I had been following after all my life and that it was a sacred moment that my Father in Heaven had given me.

We talked for an hour or so until I could tell he was very tired and I went to leave, but before I left, Grandpa looked at me in the eyes and said: “My boy, one of the greatest joys in life has been watching you grow up. I love you more than words can express. Always remember that no matter what, I will always be with you.”

I didn’t realize it at the time, but this would be the last time that I would see my Grandpa in this life. He would pass away shortly thereafter.

Death, Suffering, and Spiritual Healing

The morning I received the phone call that Grandpa had passed away, I was heart-broken. I grieved deeply and felt empty inside. Tears flowed as I remembered someone who was like a father to me and who had been there for me many times in my life when I most needed someone.

I cried to God asking for comfort. Soon after my prayer, I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace come over me and an impression and feeling of joy that is indescribable. I then received the revelation that this is was my Grandpa was experiencing and that is what I could experience along with everyone else on earth, if we do what my Grandpa did and stay faithful and endure to the end.

While Grandpa isn’t here on earth anymore, I’ve learned that trying to walk like my grandpa is doing my best to walk like the Savior. Grandpa wasn’t perfect, but he always tried to follow the Savior and I pray that we can all do the same.

I’m extremely humbled and grateful for the spiritual witnesses I’ve received throughout my life. Words can’t express how much of a blessing it is to have had the witness that Jesus heals and lifts us and frees us from death and it is through Him that I have hope and await being able to be reunited with my Grandpa Anderson again someday.

We had a great lesson and conversation that stemmed from Elder Nelson’s talk he gave a year or so ago about making a concerted effort to make the Sabbath a delight and to keep it holy.

The following video does a great job of highlighting how stressful life is and how keeping the Sabbath can be a blessing for us:

One of the things that stood out to me today from our discussion was that the way I observe the Sabbath is how I show God a sign of how committed I am and how much I love Him.  The Sabbath isn’t just a list of things I can’t do.  Rather, if I focus my energy on what I can do to show God my love, it will then become a delight and each person will approach it differently.  When we approach it this way, then it becomes less of a legalistic approach and more of an approach that Jesus discusses in the Bible of offering our hearts to God vs. keeping things because we are told to do it.

There was a long list of Sunday “cans” that we looked at and the interesting thing is everyone is different and at varying levels in their approach to observing the Sabbath.

For me, I found that I have a greater abundance of the Holy Spirit when I don’t watch football on Sundays like I used to do.  I find I’m more patient with my family and spend much more time with my kids and hopefully bonding more vs. just shouting at the screen on Sundays and letting my kids run around wild.

Others in the group shared how they strive to make every day like the Sabbath and serve others, reaching out and loving as the Savior would have us do, etc.  I believe that is the ultimate level we should be striving for, but we also discussed starting small and working toward the best way possible.

What are some of the ways you choose to keep the Sabbath and how have you been blessed by doing so?

Our men’s group had a lesson on President Monson’s most recent article called “Learn of Me“.  Below is an excerpt from the article that stood out to me and was a significant portion of our discussion:

In the Church, the goal of gospel teaching is not to pour information into the minds of God’s children, whether at home, in the classroom, or in the mission field. It is not to show how much the parent, teacher, or missionary knows. Nor is it merely to increase knowledge about the Savior and His Church.

The basic goal of teaching is to help the sons and daughters of Heavenly Father return to His presence and enjoy eternal life with Him. To do this, gospel teaching must encourage them along the path of daily discipleship and sacred covenants. The aim is to inspire individuals to think about, feel about, and then do something about living gospel principles. The objective is to develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and to become converted to His gospel.

One of the members of our group made the comment that when he is teaching his son, he can tell when he is “pouring too much information” into his kid’s head when his son’s eyes glaze over and roll into the back of his head.  He then knows that he needs to back off because effective teaching and learning isn’t happening.

This comment reminded me of a conference talk given by one of the members of the Quorum of the Seventy, Wilford W. Andersen, called “The Music of the Gospel“.  Below are some quotes from the talk:

Dancing without music is awkward and unfulfilling—even embarrassing. Have you ever tried it?

We learn the dance steps with our minds, but we hear the music with our hearts. The dance steps of the gospel are the things we do; the music of the gospel is the joyful spiritual feeling that comes from the Holy Ghost. It brings a change of heart and is the source of all righteous desires. The dance steps require discipline, but the joy of the dance will be experienced only when we come to hear the music.

I thought about the things that we (my wife and I) do to teach our kids.  We pray every day, read scriptures together, have weekly Family Night where we include scriptures and Church songs, attend Church weekly.  Individually, we pray, read scriptures, serve in our community and Church.  However, I’m always praying that my kids learn to feel the gospel and Christ’s love in their hearts so they have that as a foundation.

President Monson goes on to say:

Teachers who emulate the Savior’s example love and serve those they teach. They inspire their listeners with eternal lessons of divine truth. They live lives worth emulating.

It is interesting to think back on my childhood memories on how my parents influenced me.  What is interesting is that we had frequent prayer, attended church usually, didn’t read too many scriptures together, but did have family night regularly.  I’m sure that these experiences all added up and helped me in my life more than I realize.  But what stands out to me are moments that my parents taught me lessons through their examples.

One example was when I was a young man around the age of 12.  My parents were recently divorced and I was a very troubled child.  I had been making some poor choices and was heading down a pretty bad path at an early age.

While I was visiting my Dad, I was sitting at the kitchen table, watching him make breakfast (he was the king of home made cinnamon rolls and I think it was something good like that, that he was making).  As I watched him, I felt this overwhelming feeling of peace come over me and clarity in my mind.  An impression from God through the Holy Spirit that it was critical that I change my living situation and move to live with my Dad and step-mom.  I knew that the environment and living situation with a stable home where both parents were living the Gospel of Christ was where I needed-and wanted to be and I made the decision then and there, with the grace of God-to move in with my Dad.

That decision altered the course of my life and were it not for the example of my Dad and the grace of God, I am sure I would have had an even tougher road (life is never a bed of roses all the time) than I’ve had.

I’m curious to learn of your experiences with teaching and learning.

What experiences do you have with people teaching you the gospel and helping you feel it in your heart?

How do you effectively help your children and friends not only learn the dance steps, but hear the music as well?

We watched the following video in Elders Quorum (men’s group) about surfers who almost got into deep water with some sharks (if you prefer to read it, click here):

 

After watching the video we discussed various boundaries (commandments) that the Lord has given us to help us stay on the path to Eternal Life.  Some of the commandments we discussed included: Keeping the Sabbath Holy, Serving others such as missionary work, and paying attention to the media we allow into our homes.

The conversation turned to pornography and how if we aren’t careful as individuals and as fathers, either we or our sons could be overcome with this temptation.

We discussed that it isn’t a matter of if, but when we will be confronted with this and how to react with ourselves, our children, and friends who encounter this temptation.

Some men in our group shared examples of showing love for those and not judging others who encounter this.  Encouraging them to go to Church leaders and the Savior for the Atonement. Additionally, people shared information on resources online that people can go to.

For those who are leaders or struggling personally, here are some resources:

Personal: https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/?lang=eng

Leaders: https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/leaders?lang=eng

Today in Elders Quorum we had a great lesson from the new Howard W Hunter manual entitled “My Peace I Give Unto You“.

Before class though, we spent some time introducing ourselves: where we’re from and our favorite football team (most of us were Seahawks fans so we weren’t too thrilled about the outcome of the game today–one of us was a Steelers fan and that’s like a swear word here in the Seattle area! We determined we needed to pray for our brother’s soul : ).  It was interesting how many guys had great positive memories attached to their football teams.  For example, Steve Capps remembers watching Cowboys games with his Dad and laying his head down in his “squishy belly”!

After the introductions, there were some very good conversations about how we can obtain peace when things in our world seem to be in turmoil.

Danny Kim, the instructor, read some experiences about Howard W Hunter when his wife was going in for a serious surgery and as he prayed, he felt an overwhelming peace and comfort come over him. He then asked us to share stories of faith where we felt peace during a period of disaster or sickness.

Pres. Wolf shared a story about when his wife got some clots in her lungs and he was afraid for her life.  However, as he prayed with her and laid his hands on her to give her a blessing, he felt a strong sense she would be fine and peace filled his soul.

I shared a story of when we thought we were losing our baby, and as I gave the blessing to my wife, I felt a great sense of peace came over us and we knew things were going to be OK, which they were and are still.

Finally, Br Capps shared a story of the recent cancer that his wife had and is working on still.  It sounded like they are doing fine and that through the power of faith, prayer, blessings, and patience, they are doing well.

How does Jesus Give us Peace?

The question was then posed: How does Jesus Give us Peace?

Another Elder in our Quorum, Todd, shared a touching story to illustrate how Jesus gives us peace.

He shared a story about a time when he was living in Hawaii and one of the members of his ward (congregation) ran over and killed another ward member’s son due to speeding.

He described how the father, whose son died, got up publicly and forgave the person who did that to his son and that he felt a great comfort and peace knowing the Plan of Salvation and how he would be able to see his son again someday.

This story reminded me of a touching conference talk by Elder Faust a few years ago called “The Healing Power of Forgiveness“, where he shares a touching story of Amish community members who forgave one of their own who killed many of their friends and family.

The Atonement of Christ and the Plan of Salvation are the main things that give us peace, it was determined.

I left the meeting uplifted and felt closer to my fellow Elders as well as thankful for the Atonement and Plan of Salvation and the peace Jesus give us.

What are your thoughts on how Jesus gives us peace and what experiences do you have on how He has comforted you in times of trouble?

 

 

 

Last year during the Super Bowl, Deon Sanders interviewed Doug Baldwin, Wide Receiver of the Seattle Seahawks, and told him he wasn’t a “grown man” because he didn’t warrant double team coverage during a football game.

If you are a football fan, you’ll hear Deon talk frequently about what being a “grown man” means and it usually has something to do with being athletic, powerful, physical, etc.

In the world, being a grown man means all of this along with money, power, having a perfect body and everything else the world has to offer.

In Elders Quorum (men’s group) yesterday, we had a good conversation about how we can face the challenges the world brings us.  One of the Elders in the group said something that stood out to me, which I’ve been reflecting on since.  He said if we know Jesus, we can face the world as grown men.

This is a very simple, yet profound thought that leads to more questions to consider:

Do we know Jesus?

If we do, where are we with our relationship with Him?

If not, how do we get to know Him?

How does He help us face the world and help us become “grown men”?

Additionally, I thought about how Jesus himself was the ultimate Man.  He showed us a perfect example of what it means to be a man.  Bold when he needed to be bold.  Humble and always giving honor to His Father.  Courageous too many times to count and ultimately on the cross.  Loving, kind, the list goes on.

I am curious to continue this dialogue with those of you who read this.

How have you come to know Jesus?

If you have ever strayed, how did you return?

For someone who doesn’t know Him, what advice would you give on how to get to know Him and why it is important?

 

 

 

Dr James Dobson from Focus on the Family interviewed Dr Kevin Lehman, who is a psychologist and very popular Christian author of books about raising children.

I recently re-listened to an interview Dr Dobson had with Dr Lehman and thought I would share some highlights from the interview.

11 Ways a Father can Make a Difference in a Child’s Life

• Give each child a responsibility in the home.

Dr Lehman had a great quote: “Everybody in our family gives back to the family.  This isn’t a hotel.  It is a home.  Big difference.”

• Raise each child as an individual

During the interview, the popular scripture, Proverbs 22:6, was shared, which reads:

They made the excellent point, which I had never considered regarding this scripture.  The scripture doesn’t say “train up the child in the way we think they should go”, but in the “way he should go”.  Each child is their own individual and will need to be treated as such.

I would add that the only way we can really know the way each individual child should go is to constantly be praying to God for guidance because the Good Lord knows I’m clueless on my own and will mess it up every time I try and do things without His direction (and my wife’s gentle guidance too).

• Be willing to accept and own your mistakes

This point was a good one because I feel pulled in so many directions sometimes.  I work as hard as possible to provide for my family.  I try and make time for each individual kid and my wife.  I volunteer at our church and am gone in the evenings sometimes each week.  I’m tired at the end of the day. My patience isn’t where it should be always…I could go on, but you get the idea.  I’m human.  It is important for us to allow ourselves to be human and when (not if) we make mistakes, don’t be too hard on ourselves and remember that we should own up to the mistakes, apologize to our kids when we make them, and then try better next time.

• Allow your kids to make mistakes

If we are going to cut ourselves some slack, we need to do the same for our kids.

• Be there

• Understand your kids

I’m amazed at how perceptive my wife is with each individual child and the calm and selfless way she approaches each individual child.  I pray that I can do the same.  Something that has helped me accomplish this is by setting aside a day each week for me to take each of our kids out on a “daddy date”.  While we are out with each other, I learn things about each child as we get to spend some time together one on one.

• Love and honor your wife

I think the video below is a great illustration of how we can go about loving and honoring our wives.

• Believe in your kids

If you show faith in them, it will help them have faith in themselves.

If you doubt them, they will reflect that as well.

• Slip “commercial announcements” to your kids

This suggestion means the world to kids.  They shared an example of a lady who’s father had told her she got lucky that she went to an easy high school when she came home with straight A’s once on a report card.  That one comment scarred her deeply.

However, if we spin this “commercial announcement” into a positive, it can have the opposite effect.  An example of this is by saying sincere announcements such as “I noticed that you’ve been kind to your siblings lately.  You’ve done such a good job with that and I’m proud of you…”  it can be anything quick and positive and it will go a long way.  Over time, a lot of those comments will add up.

• Be consistent

Dr Lehman was crying in the interview when he said his greatest regret was being away for work during his daughter’s graduation, when he said he’d be there.  Additionally, he mentioned how he sees the negative effect it has on kids when their Dad’s say they’ll be to places, or do things for them and then allow other things to get in the way.  Always keep your word and do it consistently.  I would also add that having certain routines are important for kids too.  I notice that if I’m out, and don’t make it back in time to tuck the kids in, it has an impact on them and they are unsettled.  However, when I make an effort to be there regularly, they feel calmer.

• Have fun!!!

In college I had a professor who said “the family that plays together, stays together.” I believe this is true. I think that having daily, weekly, monthly and longer term fun activities to work towards together as a family is important.  It is also important to involve each child in the decision process toward fun activities.  Ideas include: weekly movie nights, game nights, yearly big trips that everyone saves and works towards, etc.

Question

I’m sure that many of you have some additional thoughts and ideas.  Which of these points stand out to you and what ideas/thoughts would you add?