Over the course of the last few years, I’ve heard conservatives within the LDS and without the LDS church openly denouce homosexual relationships. As most of us also know, the LDS or Mormon church has taken a political stance to openly support groups in favor of not legalizing gay marriage alongside the Catholic and other predominantly Christian faiths.
As an LDS member, I’ve seen the church’s stand divide members. Historically, the Mormon Church’s leadership has advised its membership not to mix religion and politics, but in this case it is evident that the LDS Church puts aside that advice and has pushed for political action.
Although I feel the intentions of the LDS church are not to be anti-gay, I have sensed that some members of the LDS church may view the Church’s actions as being anti-gay, or promoting intolerance, etc. I’ve even heard some members who have said they would never allow a gay person in their homes so their kids wouldn’t be corrupted.
I personally do not condone homosexuality, and I feel that I’m a pretty tolerant person. However, I’ve wondered myself how I would react if one of my children, relatives, or close friend were to come into my home with their significant other.
The opportunity knocked on my door late in the evening recently—literally. We were having a birthday party for my oldest daughter and family and friends were gathered around our home. It was about 7:30 p.m. and we heard a knock. The party had been going for a couple hours already so we joked it must be someone late to the party.
When I opened the door, I was surprised to see a relative of mine, who was a returned missionary but had since left the Mormon faith and come out that he was gay. He had felt unwelcome by our family in recent years and had chosen not to participate in reunions and such.
My first reaction was a bit of surprise, but then I felt a genuine excitement to see him. All thoughts of him being gay were gone and I remembered how personable and nice he was. I saw his partner (also a former elder of the LDS church) coming out of the car as well and again, I didn’t feel any sense of judgement or hesitation to let them both into my home.
They both sat down and I introduced him to everyone in my wife’s family. We sat down and had a very good discussion, catching up on life in general and how each of us were doing. As they explained the efforts they had made to come visit, I even felt more appreciative that they had stopped by. On the way through our town, he had remembered the name of the town and called my uncle for our address and phone number. My uncle only had our address so he and his partner turned around and back-tracked about 45 minutes to get to our house, not knowing if we would be there, but willing to take the time to stop by.
Our evening together was very pleasant. Our discussion was a very normal conversation and not once did I feel like taking my kids and hiding them in the back room as they both interacted with our kids.
It wasn’t until they had both left and I started thinking about our conversation that I remembered they were gay and that I had wondered within myself how I would react if someone who was gay were to come by with their other half in front of my kids. I was glad for the experience as the official words from the LDS church’s position on homosexuality became a reality for me:
…we reach out with understanding and respect to people with same-gender attraction.
13 comments
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February 4, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Cal
Very good. I also have a gay relative (cousin).
I’ll just add that we Christians who hope gays will find in Christ the desire and power to change their sexual orientation, love gays FAR MORE than those who encourage them to continue in their natural desires. If you see someone in the line of Satan’s fire, and fail to warn them to move, is that love?
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February 5, 2012 at 12:57 pm
graceforgrace
Hi Cal,
Good points. How would you recommend going about warning someone though if they aren’t open to listening, or if in their opinion, they’ve heard it all before?
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February 6, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Cal
Good question.
First, I’d say that if the person isn’t a Christian it would almost be useless to warn them because he or she can’t change without the power of Jesus, and even if he does change, well, an unpleasant eternal future awaits regardless.
If the person isn’t open to listening, even if the person is a Christian, then I guess there’s nothing we can do except love her with God’s unconditional love (like you did) and pray for her.
How’s that, graceforgrace?
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February 8, 2012 at 1:15 pm
graceforgrace
Hi Cal,
That’s the way I feel about it. If I had been led by the Spirit to say something, I would have, but I felt led to love them and focus on who they are as human beings, not their sins. I figure, let God be the judge.
By the way, they aren’t Christian/Mormon anymore. They’re Buddhist. They’re returned missionaries and they didn’t seem to be in the state to have me preach to them about the sin of homosexuality.
P.S.
The site doesn’t cost me much so don’t worry about the donations. Your valuable contributions are enough!
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February 8, 2012 at 7:17 am
Rich Alger
I have found it helpful to think of those who are gay or believe that living a gay lifestyle is OK as being a part of a religion or a religious like philosophy. Do I condemn a Christian that I believe has a false conception of God or hell? It has put my mind in a different place.
I love that you felt so comfortable visiting with your relative. We are whole human beings not to be sliced up and treated only for our sexual orientation or any other single aspect of our lives. We are to treat others as we would like to be treated if we were in the same situation. It seems like this is what you did.
Thanks for sharing
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February 8, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Cal
Thanks for your comments, also, Rich.
Are you gay and are you a Christian?
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February 4, 2012 at 8:01 pm
jks
Thank you for sharing this experience. I do not have any gay relatives, but I guess someday it will happen. I would hope my experiences will go as smoothly.
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February 4, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Jean
I am not Mormon, but came across your blog in a google search.
You seem to struggle quite a bit with some of the teachings of the Mormon religion. I know it is normal to question one’s faith, but as a member of another Christian faith, I am not sure I could reconcile my faith with my own true life experiences such as you relate in this post.
Can I ask how you can come to terms with this issue?
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February 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm
graceforgrace
Hi Jean,
Thanks for stopping by and for your comments.
When you say “come to terms with this issue?” Which issue are you referring to exactly? There were a number of issues I highlighted. Once I know what you mean exactly I can better answer your question.
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February 5, 2012 at 8:43 pm
ezra
Reconciliation is the key word, Jean.
Ama certainly treated the situation marvelously. I think Cal stated things well.
Homosexuality is a reality that people have to deal with: it is an attraction that people have for people of the same gender. BUT, the key is HOW you deal with it. TOLERANCE is allowing that homosexuality exists and affects the life of some people. A Christian will certainly have care for all people, of course, with the understanding that Christ came to redeem the lives of all sinners–as St. Paul said, “of whom I am chief.” At the same time, the Christian does not have to ACCEPT that homosexuality is a God-pleasing and Biblically acceptable lifestyle.
I think if you keep that in mind, you will be able to be a Christian who is able step alongside of people, regardless of their situation, and extend the love that God has for all people. Paul urges us to “speak the truth in love” to all people. Other people have stated it like this: Love the sinner even while we hate the sin. As Cal said, it is more loving to speak the truth in love than to speak a lie about homosexuality being “acceptable.” Telling a person that any sinful behavior is “okay” is not showing love to that person. In fact, the Bible has stern words of condemnation for those who do this very thing, for they are false prophets that claim God blesses that which he very clearly has denounced.
Our earthly existence is a one of grace; it is worth remembering that until we draw our last breath, we are subject to God’s grace, which allows us time to repent and seek forgiveness.
God alone is able to “reconcile” our human lives. By his Holy Spirit, he calls us to repent of all sins and weaknesses; graciously, he forgives us, for the sake of Jesus Christ. But, no, ultimately, if we hold onto our sins, we do end up rejecting our Savior. We cannot reconcile our life, that is, redeem it, by our own reason or strength.
If we are forced to make a decision between what is right and wrong, we will want to be firm is what is right. But as far as that goes, we are usually not forced to make that decision by those we love. We can extend the hand of friendship at the same time we let it be known that there are things that please the Lord and those things that are not pleasing or acceptable in his sight. Yet, that said, Jesus promised that there will be moments when following Jesus might separate us from those we love. Still, when we follow Jesus, we will not be disappointed.
Blessings in Christ.
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February 6, 2012 at 1:46 pm
graceforgrace
Ezra,
Very nicely put!
The way I look at it, I am a sinner in my own right as well so who am I to condem someone else and cast judgement?
Sometimes I’m better at not being judgemental than on other days, but as you say, as long as I keep coming back to Jesus and repenting and not hanging on to the sin, I’m on the right path.
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February 8, 2012 at 7:22 am
Rich Alger
“speak the truth in love” I love this. +1
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February 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm
Cal
As I think about this issue, I am reminded of a incidence of more than 20 years ago in a church I was attending at the time. The story I heard secondhand was that a married man cheated on his wife with another man.
The elders confronted him.
He reportedly said he was sorry, and the marriage continued.
Later, it was discovered again that he was involved again in the affair. This time he was unrepentant and said there was nothing wrong with his homosexuality and that God had made him that way.
The elders prayerfully decided to disfellowship him! (I rarely hear of anyone being disfellowshipped.)
———
How much does this website cost you, graceforgrace? I sometimes wonder if I should make some sort of donation.
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