Spencer W Kimball’s (former LDS Prophet) spoke to BYU students a number of years ago on becoming perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect. In this talk, he outlined areas where we should strive for perfection, which include: personal integrity, commitment to (BYU) standards, honoring covenants, roles of men and women, and personal appearance. While I agree that it is important to strive to become closer to God each day, I have experienced sometimes within the LDS culture a tendency for members to over emphasize some of the points that Kimball mentioned about being “perfect”. I have personally seen how this can lead to judgement of others, and essentially pulls people away from God when they think they are doing everything “right” in order to be favored of God.
Each person is travelling this journey of life and is on a different point along the path and with their relationship with God. Do I think it is a good thing to strive to be perfect in our covenants, integrity, commitment, and personal appearance? Absolutely! However, those of us who may be further along the path or perhaps have learned how to experience a close relationship with God shouldn’t shun those of us who are perhaps at a different point.
I’ll share some examples regarding striving for perfection in appearance, particularly on Sunday.
Within the LDS church, members are expected to dress a their Sunday best when attending meetings. Men are expected to wear a white shirt and tie and if you are the Bishop (pastor) I’m not sure if it is just an unwritten rule, but a suit is always the norm. Additionally, facial hair is not accepted if one is called to a leadership position such as a Bishop or Elders President (Men’s Group Leader). I assume the reasoning behind this is to portray the image of being closer to Jesus. The white shirt represents purity, closeness to God, etc.
While I do not have a problem with people wearing their Sunday best, I do have a problem with people who wear their Sunday best and then belittle or criticize those who don’t wear their church clothes in the same exact way.
I’ll share a personal story. A couple years ago, we moved to a new ward (congregation) and I wore a colored shirt with out a tie to church the first Sunday. The bishop of the congregation came up to me and said some things that could have been offending if I had let them be. Other personal examples are that I usually do not button my top button on my shirt when I wear a tie (I hate wearing ties!) because it is too restrictive. I also have other clothes that I feel fit my personality and style, which I feel are Sunday best but not necessarily a white shirt. When I wear these clothes, I’ve been teased and even reprimanded over the years. It gets even more fun when I let my beard grow out!
Another example I heard just the other day was a lady who came to church who hadn’t been in awhile and she invited her non-LDS friend. They both wore nice dress pants, but felt very looked-down upon and unwelcome because they weren’t dressed in the “right way”. She decided she didn’t want to come to church again.
I think the problem with having a mandate to have everyone look and act a certain way is that it then becomes a social norm. Subconsiously people think that it is wrong not to look and act in that certain way and others get ostracized or belittled either to their faces or behind their backs. In addition, I’ve seen that if people are not dressed in the certain way that is normal, people think that is an outward expression of inward sin on the part of the individual.
For those of us who are guilty of judging others for their outward appearances (I think all of us are guilty of this), it is important for us to remember the scripture in 1 Samuel 16:7:
The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.
So next time you see someone at church who may not be wearing clothes that are supposed to show an outward appearance of perfection, make a concious effort to not judge them, but reach out to them and get to know them for who they are. Chances are, they’re just trying to develop a relationship with God just like you are. They just hate wearing ties!
Grace for Grace 
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May 12, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Macha
I had an argument with my mom and brother a couple years ago about “Sunday best” in church. I don’t have a problem with setting a standard for yourself, but to complain about other people was just so off-putting to me (a woman served Communion on the altar in knee-length shorts and sandals).
Even if I believed that everybody should dress in a strictly defined “correct” way (I think that clothing and dress symbolizes something different to everybody, so to say “this is reverent and this is not” seems entirely subjective to me), I can’t see how complaining or getting angry is Christian at all. The fact is, you just have no idea why that person is dressed that way. For instance, you not buttoning your top button. I don’t know why you do that if you don’t tell me. Maybe you were choked once and having something near your neck is distressing to you (having anything touch my throat makes me very uncomfortable – I feel your pain). Maybe the button broke just as you got to church. Maybe that shirt is just a little too small, but it was the only clean one you had because there was a disaster at the dry cleaners or something. Nobody knows.
What I can’t stand about “dress standards” is not that they exist, but that when people “violate” them, other people judge and complain without any information about why that person dressed that way. And as far as I’m concerned, I’d rather see a church full of people in sweatpants, praising God and nurturing their spiritual life, than an empty church.
Great post!
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May 16, 2011 at 8:52 pm
ama49
Macha,
Your comment “I’d rather see a church full of people in sweatpants, prasing God and nurturing their spiritual life than an empty church” sums it up nicely!
Thanks for stopping by!
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May 12, 2011 at 5:39 pm
ezra
The funny thing is that all the pictures I’ve seen of Jesus is him with a beard.
Looking back at the customs of the conservative Jews, they observed the Law, which limited the amount of beard trimming they were to do—lest they become vain and too concerned about their appearances.
About the woman serving communion “on the altar” — was she really on the altar or at the altar? I think I would have more problems with women serving in a role as pastor, but also that she was wearing shorts. That much seems hard to bear.
So, I guess I’d say that I probably DO have some tolerance for the kind of dress, but I’d say that for the sake of propriety, the pastor and associate workers should maintain a higher standard of dress.
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May 12, 2011 at 7:01 pm
Macha
She was on the altar. She wasn’t a pastor though (I’m talking about the Catholic church), she was a Eucharistic Minister. I have no problems with women serving in any in which a man can serve.
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May 16, 2011 at 8:55 pm
ama49
Hi Ezra,
I do agree that those who are leading should lead by example so to speak by having a higher standard of dress. The LDS church I attend is lay ministery so in theory, everyone has a chance to get up and say something at some point. I think the standard of dress should be up to the individual though and as long as people are comfortable with their worship in whatever they choose to wear, we shouldn’t judge.
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May 12, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Cal
Excellent points, ama.
I have a beard and I don’t like choking myself with a top botton fastened either!
I should add that I dress nicer when attending an LDS church because I have been somewhat aware of the culture there, but when I have dressed casual I’ve never been reprimanded or looked down upon as far as I know. Maybe they figured I was a “heathen” and so had mercy on me. 😉
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May 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm
ezra
Not to get off topic, but she was actually “on” the altar?
Isn’t that a bit disrespectful?
And, while you might not have problems with it, Scripture does.
fwiw…
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May 12, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Macha
Like I said both times, she was on the altar, and no, as a Eucharistic Minister, being on the altar is in no way disrespectful. Unless you are under the impression that she was standing on the altar table. The altar refers to the entire raised area of floor around the altar table, where the priest, altar servers, Eucharistic Ministers, and lectors (and sometimes cantors) all perform their tasks during Mass.
This is not a discussion on the appropriateness of female ordination/clergy, but Christian scriptures also say that if a woman is not a virgin on her wedding day, she should be stoned to death. Paul in the New Testament says that women should cover their heads at worship services, should never speak in public, and should only address their religious questions to their husbands, and only in private, along with many other oppressive and abusive maxims. We don’t listen to any of those passages today either, so I don’t see how this one should be seen any different. But I think this discussion has gone far enough off-topic.
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May 13, 2011 at 5:03 am
Aaron
Dressing up for church is nice. It shows respect for the Lord, for the House of the Lord, for the Sacrament etc. etc. But this idolatrous worship of the white shirt is sacredizing the trivial. What we ought to be concerned about is all those people who don’t dress up at all for church, or — even worse — who show up at the temple in khaki pants and golf shirts.
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May 13, 2011 at 10:32 am
Macha
I absolutely love the way you put this.
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May 13, 2011 at 6:10 am
Cal
Amen, Aaron.
Macha, 1 Corinthians 11:5 says “And every woman who prays or prophesies. . . .” So women were apparently allowed to speak during public worship.
I don’t believe the Bible as a whole encourages oppression of women. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to lay down their lives for their wives. God is into setting everyone free.
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May 13, 2011 at 10:37 am
Macha
Then it appears the scriptures contradict themselves, as you can see in the rest what I said. Regardless of that, my claim was that churches today, including the LDS church, disobey most of the oppressive and demeaning commands about women in the Bible, which is still true, in spite of your attempt at misdirection.
1 Cor 14:34 “Women must be silent in the churches”
1 Cor 11:4-16 “if a woman does not cover her head, let her also have her hair cut off”
1 Cor 14:35 “It is disgraceful for a woman to speak in church”
1 Tim 2:11-15 “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent”
Tit 2:4 “train the younger women…to be subject to their husbands”
1 Pet 3:7
Eph 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands”, Col 3:18
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May 13, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Cal
Macha, as you probably know, scholars who know Greek and know the culture of the people who lived at the time those verses were written can make the verses sound much less shocking to the American ear. Women were uneducated at the time, etc.
Being a charismatic Christian, I believe women can speak in church. I also believe those verses can be interpreted in a way that keeps them from being at odds with the obvious truth that God uses women to teach, perform miracles, etc.
The idea of women submitting to their husbands isn’t oppression at all when the husband is submitted to Christ. (Not many husbands around like that.)
In any case, where do you stand on the Bible generally? Do you believe in most of it?
Have a nice evening. (I regret that we’re not on the topic. I hope ama doesn’t mind too much.)
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May 16, 2011 at 5:10 am
ray
We have a guy in our ward who comes to church each week looking like an Amish farmer, only without the straw hat. He has a neatly trimmed beard and he never, never wears a tie. I suspect he doesn’t care whether he is called to a high leadership position.
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May 16, 2011 at 8:58 pm
ama49
Ray,
I want to meet that guy and shake his hand! 🙂
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May 18, 2011 at 10:03 am
Ken
We have a guy in our ward that has a beard which he as dyed red. It actually looks cool. He has never been asked to change it or made to feel uncomfortable, in fact many members have talked with him about it in a way to make him feel comfortable and to let him know they respect his expression. But I must say I have been in wards that something like this would not have gone over near as well.
If we truly have the spirit of Christ within us, what our neighbor looks like or dresses like doesn’t matter, but what we can do for them does.
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May 20, 2011 at 5:49 am
Cal
Charismatic Christians typically don’t care whether or not someone has colored hair. There’s a controversy about piercing, however.
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May 20, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Timothy B. Wilson
Man, I hate to button my top button and wear a stupid tie! Those Brits! They invented the tie! Why is it that we have the SAME dress code as Congressmen, Senators, Presidents, Corporate Heads…..all the creeps basically. (:
Why don’t we go on a festive, artistic dress revolution? Clean, colorful. I guess then we’d all be too happy for sacrament meeting. Gotta keep somber.
Reverence is important. And people do way too much loud talking in the chapel before and after sacrament meetings. So the white shirt thing ain’t doin’ nothin’ for our reverence, is it?
In that case, let’s just be like Hawaiians and lighten up. Who needs white shirts and ties. Jesus certainly never did, and never will wear a tie. And he did say, “What manner of men ought ye to be…even as I” Okay, I’m in. To be Christ-like, we should pitch the shirts and ties in favor of something else.
Tim
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May 22, 2011 at 12:14 pm
ama49
Hey Tim,
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I’m right there with you! Have you ever visted a Hawaiin service? I like how they talk to each other over the pulpit and people from the crowd answer…they have dialogue over the pulpit and it’s a fun experience. Maybe it’s us boring white people and we need more ethnicity in the upper ranks! : )
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May 22, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Macha
An excellent notion!
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May 25, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Doug
The 1 Sam. verse says it all. Great post Ama!
God deliver us from a godless religious spirit that majors on the minors.
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April 9, 2013 at 7:53 am
Janet
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Take care!!
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