In the book, “Raising a Family to the Lord” by Gene R Cook, he relates a story about a conversation he had on a plane trip with an LDS couple. As they talked, the parents shared how they had raised children, but two of them had gone wayward and were not “active” (for the LDS, active means they do not regularly attend church). The mother then goes on to say the following:
What did we do wrong? [our children] went through the Youth programs, Boy Scouts, and all the Church activities. We made sure they were active in Churche, believeing that would keep them on the right track.
We also believed that if we fulfilled all of our Church callings, which we did, our children would be blessed and protected. Now we’re confused–we don’t know what we could have done differently.”
Later on in the book Cook goes on to state not to “make the Church the cornerstone of your hope for your children” (p.26). He then shares some interesting statistics on what makes children stay “active”. According to the study, the two major factors that lead to children serving missions and marrying in the temple are:
- Personal prayer
- Personal scripture study
No other factors in the study helped an individual with their spiritual growth like those two factors did.
The study goes on to uncover what leads to children to develop a habit of personal prayer and scripture study. According to the study, there were 4 factors that led to children developing these habits which are:
- Family prayer
- Family scripture study
- Family home evening
- Agreement on values
He goes on to say that Church should not be the sole source of spiritual nourishment for our children, rather it should be a supplement.
I think this is excellent advice for both LDS Christians as well as those who are not of the LDS faith. I’ve seen throughout the years people who rely heavily on the Church programs thinking that will be what guides their children, when in reality, the relationships at home and the training that parents do is far more beneficial and necessary to ensure the child has a personal relationship with the Lord.
Grace for Grace 
10 comments
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April 28, 2011 at 11:04 pm
Macha
Do you happen to know what other factors they looked at?
It’s just as strange as how people expect their kids to learn everything they need to know at school, and don’t think they need to be involved in their child’s education. It drives me nuts to think of parents who don’t think they have any work to do with their kids’ education, that they don’t need to encourage them to read, help them with their homework, etc. Of course if you involve yourself your kids will follow your example, and they’ll see it as a point of connection with you personally. I don’t know what people expect their kids to do when they don’t see to it themselves that the kids are exposed to/participate in the things you value as a parent.
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April 29, 2011 at 6:19 am
Dave P.
Ironically it’s been through many hours of personal scripture study, prayer, and research that I’ve come to learn that the church has fallen away and been cursed for 4 generations since 1837. Thankfully the cleansing as prophesied in Section 63 is underway and we’ll be seeing some major undertakings happening in this next year.
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May 3, 2011 at 8:04 pm
ama49
Hi Dave,
I really don’t see how this applies to the post.
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April 29, 2011 at 11:26 am
Paul
Nice post. I would point out, however, that even fostering (or at least modeling) a pattern of personal prayer and scripture study by doing the other four things listed is far from a guarantee. In the end, our children will choose for themselves whether they pray, whether they study, and ulimately, whether they will believe.
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April 29, 2011 at 11:32 am
Macha
I agree, and I might add that if things feel forced, and if they feel that you value their belief more than you do them as a person, young people will feel less inclined to participate and espouse the things you wish them to.
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May 3, 2011 at 8:02 pm
ama49
Hi Macha,
I agree with you. I think that when things feel forced, that is a good sign something is off and some open communication needs to happen. As parents, it is sometimes easy to only see things from our perspective, but when we step outside and try to remember what it was like being a kid and wanting to be heard, then I think our children will be more responsive.
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May 3, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Macha
I think it’s also to settle into the mindset of “this is for your own good, so it doesn’t matter how mad it makes you,” as if it doesn’t matter what you do to get your kid to church/reading scriptures/participating in activities as long as they do it. How it happens matters a great deal. If you cause them a lot of pain getting them to participate, they will just associate participation with manipulation and pain.
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May 3, 2011 at 8:04 pm
ama49
Hi Paul,
I agree with you, but the way I look at it is that parents should do everything they can to provide a good atmosphere and environment for the kids to learn. Although it is ultimately the kids’ choice, if parents are doing all the things mentioned, at least the kid can’t say they never knew.
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May 1, 2011 at 3:27 am
Wonderdog
I am surprized as I teach and serve in the church at the number of families that put on a good front, but ignore FHE, family prayer, family scripture study. etc. Then I watch as those same parents moan that the Church let them down. HEY! PARENTS! It’s YOUR duty to teach your children, not the church’s.
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May 3, 2011 at 8:00 pm
ama49
Amen to that, Wonderdog!
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