In 1966, Batsell Barrett Baxter delivered an excellent sermon entitled “As a Man Thinketh.” I HIGHLY reccomend reading it. While the whole sermon is excellent, I choose to pull the following quote from his sermon at the Hillsboro Church of Christ:
“Chronic resentments, grudges that we carry around with us, become deep-seated abscesses. They ruin our personalities. They poison our minds, and they produce diseases in our bodies. When we continue to carry them, we are slowly but surely committing suicide! The cure for a surgical abscess is incision and drainage. This makes healing possible from the inside out so that the patient is rid of the abscess once and for all. The cure of a spiritual abscess is forgiveness–real forgiveness. This heals our minds, our bodies, and our souls.”
Have you ever suffered from someone who hurt you whether intentionally or un-intentionally? Do you or have you ever suffered so much that all you can do is supress the pain and try to forget? Do you hold a grudge against someone that harmed you or a loved one? If so, then I hope that what I share in this post will bless you.
By the time I was in my late 20’s I was slowly dying both physically and spiritually. This may sound extreme, but I had been poisoned by my inability to forgive one of my parents who I felt had abandoned me after a divorce in my younger years. On the surface, I knew I needed to forgive and I tried to force myself, but nothing I did seemed to help. It became so bad that my resentment started taking over my life in my relationships with others as well as the way I viewed myself. I was sick–both physically and spiritually.
When I came to the realization that I was the one with the problem and took responsibility, that was a huge step for me. I didn’t know where to start though and how to overcome the resentment that I had harbored subconciously for so many years. I turned to the Lord in prayer asking for Him to provide a way–and he did.
A couple weeks after I had started seriously praying for an answer and way to overcome my issues with forgiveness someone I hardly knew in church came up to me and said “I have a feeling that you could use my help.” I was immediately intrigued.
“What do you mean?” I said.
“I work for a lady that practices Reiki and other natural forms of healing.” she said, “You should come by.”
I’d never heard of Reiki before, but thought it was at least worth giving a try.
A week or so later I arrived at the clinic and started getting to know the “Reiki Lady”. A name that I soon started calling her that stuck. In our initial appointment I shared with her my experiences as a child. It was very painful and I was full of resentment, hurt, and anger. After our intial visit, she determined that multiple sessions were needed and I scheduled a few appointments.
For those who aren’t familiar with Reiki, it is an Asian form of natural healing in that the practioner focuses on your energy levels that your body puts out through pressure points called “chakras.” The sessions I found to be very relaxing and helpful, but my anger and resentment would still rear its ugly head along with the spiritual and physical symptoms. The spiritual symptoms would include: anger, bad habits of manipulating others especially in relationships, pessimism, a cynical outlook and behavior, and lack of trust. Physically I had depression, anxiety, and also pain in my stomach from holding the bitterness in for so many years.
During one session with the “Reiki Lady” we did something different than we had ever done before. We started normally with the sessions by getting me into a relaxed and calm state of mind. However, this time she told me she was going to do a guided imagery session to help me heal my subconsious mind. It was amazing and would take a long time to explain, but to keep this story short I was able to pull up images of myself as a child and see myself forgiving my parent for everything that had happened. It was truly a miracle. From that point forward, things started to fall into place and I was able to forgive completely and I can now say that I love and respect both of my parents completely.
My experience was different than others experiences in that it wasn’t the traditional approach. However, I know that God worked through a number of people to help answer my prayers and heal me from the poison of holding resentment.
In a way, I guess this is similar to what Glenn Beck has been sharing over on his site called Face your Storm. For those who would like to hear other stories of overcoming adversity, this is another great site.
I would love to hear others stories or thoughts on learning to forgive. Please share so we can all be uplifted.
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December 14, 2008 at 9:08 am
NM
To show forgiveness, in my opinion, is a more difficult feat than to ask for fogiveness. It is difficult because I believe (being made in the image of God), we have an inherent quality that seeks justice. God, for example, in his holiness DEMANDS death and blood-shed to pay for sin. Insurrection insults his explosively holy character. And we see here that it is only He (in the person of His Son) that can pay for the penalty by dying; paying the debt that we cannot owe.
We are forgiven – at a cost.
Because I am forgiven, how can I now not forgive? This is what makes the gospel so beautiful; this is what makes Jesus glorious =)
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December 15, 2008 at 6:02 am
Ezra
Ama–thank you for sharing. I think you hit the nail on the head–and NM adds good insight about the freedom that comes in forgiveness.
At your invitation, I share a story of redemption I witnessed several years ago within my own family.
My wife and I had lived in our midwestern home and had not received many visits from our family. We were elated when my brother and his wife had decided to make the long-distant trip to see us. What was strange, however, was how things seemed to fall apart at the dinner table. The weather outside wasn’t cooperating. It clouded over and a severe storm punctuated our conversation with deep thunder and the din of a long and steady rain. We didn’t know whether to chalk it up to the long and exhausting trip or whether we had unintentionally offended them. But the sniping seemed to be between the two of them–and soon my sister-in-law left the table and went quickly to the guest bedroom and locked the door. My brother was allowed inside, finally, after which there was low discussion and sobbing. After a while he came out and said that they would be leaving as soon as the rain let up.
We retreated downstairs and mulled the situation over. I’m not sure how exactly I came to this conclusion, but I began to wonder if the whole disturbance wasn’t rooted in one particular troubling event in their personal life. I didn’t have a lot to go on, but I had pulled fragments of their conversations together and gathered that abortion might have been that troubling event in their life.
Sheepishly, I discussed this with my wife, who agreed that this might be so. After much prayer and consideration, I eased my way upstairs and gently knocked on the door, speaking softly through the closed door. I told them that I was sorry to bother them and certainly hoped that we had not caused any offense. I paused and then suggested that the next thing I was going to say might be totally off-base and un-founded, but that they please listen to what I had to say. I explained that I had no reason to think so, but had only bits and pieces to go on–but I could only wonder if, earlier on, they hadn’t had an abortion. The silence in the room and then the sobbing confirmed that I had been right.
I told them what I had read, how abortion destroys more than a child’s life; the mother and the father of that child often are wracked with guilt and shame. Many people don’t know what do to do to rid themselves of that pain.
I knew that both of them were very much pro-life and were always staunch supporters of pro-life candidates. I knew that they were also strong Christians that trusted in God’s power to forgive and to save. These factors did not keep them from their decision to have an abortion; and neither could these factors make up for their sin.
The door was still closed. There was still silence. I continued. “You may have dealt with this issue time and again. I cannot help but think it still lays at the heart of your arguments and troubled relationship. You may have heard this before, but I am here to tell you personally. There is no sin that is too great but that God isn’t able to forgive. Your sin lies heavy on your conscience; your sin is tearing you relationship apart. But I say to you that your sin is forgiven, for the sake of Jesus Christ. In Jesus’ name, your sins are forgiven.” Having said that, I excused myself and went back downstairs.
In less than ten minutes my brother and his wife came downstairs. They admitted that I was right–although the abortion had happened many years before, it always seemed to be the unresolved item that resurfaced time and again. Although she had received counseling for this very thing, they never could put the abortion in the past; it always seemed to be a part of the argument at hand. We talked about this child’s name–about the age he would have been. We prayed and asked God for continued healing in their lives.
We finished our meal and helped them pack the car. Although it sounds corny, the rain had come to a close and the sun was shining bright. It sounds like an allegory, but all of that attending weather was right on cue–as if God were casting a docu-drama.
The bottom line is that their relationship began to improve. Any quarrels that they had were minus the ammunition of attendant guilt of this abortion. Also, my brother stopped casting blame on my father, who somehow always seemed to be the root cause of any of his problems. The problem lay in his own sin.
The solution remains in the atoning blood of Christ, who takes away the sins of the world.
Blessings in Christ,
Ezra
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December 15, 2008 at 6:09 am
ama49
Ezra,
Thanks for sharing that story. You are absolutely right that through the atonement we can be and will be forgiven as long as we come to the Lord and allow Him to work in our lives.
Thanks for sharing!
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December 16, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Ezra
Amen.
And just in case anyone needs to feel that relief from sin or to be released from sin, I post this reminder from the Apostle John, good friend and disciple of Jesus (see 1 John 1& 2)
Q: Am I a sinner — or can I work my way clear of sin?
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
Q: How do we rid ourselves of sin?
A: If we confess our sins, he [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Q: Well, maybe I’m not really a sinner…
A: If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.
Q: Why is this important to me?
A: My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.
Remember, too, what Jesus has said:
“If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
(John 8:31)
To Jesus you must give your sin;
in exchange, he will give you his righteousness..
To Jesus you must give your poverty;
in exchange, he will give you the richness of grace.
To Jesus you must give your life;
he will give you life eternal.
Blessings in Christ,
Ezra
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December 16, 2008 at 11:32 pm
NM
“To Jesus, you must give your sin; in exchange, he will give you his righteousness”
Ezra, how amazing is that?!? It’s SO absurd, yet for sinners like us, is the truth that prevents us from listening to Satan’s lies and spiralling deeper into despair.
Jesus became sin; pierced for our wrong-doing (Isaiah 53) and imputes to us all the necessary righteousness. And God when He looks at us, sees His Son who has already absorbed His wrath…and declares us: not guilty!
Grace is so sweet.
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December 17, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Mormon Heretic
AMA,
Could you tell me more about this Reiki stuff? My wife has stomach problems, and problems with resentment. I am wondering if both might be helped by some Reiki therapy. The doctors have not been helpful regarding the stomach problems. I am not at all familiar with Reiki.
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December 18, 2008 at 10:19 pm
NM
I know a little about Reiki =)
One of my lecturers, as a student at university was a registered practitioner; primarily a Gestalt Therapist, with which he employed massage techniques within the therapeutic relationship. As a mental-health practitioner myself, I recommend that people seek therapy as a way toward self-awareness – even if the goal is merely toward that.
As a Christian, I am in two minds whether therapy (those that are based on secular humanist principles – or anything other than that which is founded upon the theistic principle) is helpful beyond the goal of self-awareness. Therapies in general are useful. And Reiki is unique as it employs the simplicity of human touch. The gregarious beings that we are find physical touch as a way of connecting to others a most power-filled and exhilerating sensation – human touch in itself is the catharsis.
I would, however, not recommend Reiki to Christians [Sorry AMA]. For people who are familiar with the gospel, I would not want to mix (and thereby confuse others of) the truth of what they know of Him who has broken-the-power-of-cancelled-sin with other ideas that have no resonance with His grace =)
One could argue that ANY help found outside of Him and the free gift of grace is idolatry.
Just an opinion, of course.
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December 23, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Greg
Thanks for this inspiring message! And posted on my birthday to boot. After reading your post I seem to remember that Elijah raised the dead in a manner that seems beyond understanding (1 Kings 17:17-25). Perhaps there are many different approaches to healing, but ultimately only one source…
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December 24, 2008 at 2:29 am
ama49
Mormon Heretic,
To answer your question I’ll tell you what a session is like and I’ll also tell you what Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) is like too. In my opinion, it was more the NLP that healed me than the Reiki.
When I visited the therapist, she had me lay down on a comfortable table and had relaxing music playing as well as waterfountains trickling in the background as well. She would then run her hand about 3-5 inches over my body and go over my chakras. If she felt something was out, she would use hand motions to take away the bad energy. I’m not sure that the Reiki was what healed me, but it was helpful in relaxing me for sure.
NLP is when the therapist gets into your subconsious mind and brings up images from your past that you have suppressed. This is very helpful as well. The Reiki lady did this after a Reiki session one day and the NLP was amazing in helping me with the healing process.
To address NM’s concern with it not being from Jesus. I would have to disagree with this comment and agree with what Greg said (thanks for the great scripture too!) There are many forms of healing and I actually went to a Christian NLP specialist for some other issues I was having later. Some Christians think “hypnosis” (which NLP is a form of) is wrong because we’re not relying on Jesus. To that I think of a parable I once heard, which I will conclude this mini-post with.
There is a man drowning and he prays for God to help them. A boat comes by to save him and he won’t get in because he’s waiting for God to come. Next a helicopter comes and drops him a line and he won’t pick it up b/c it’s not God. Finally a submarine comes and the guy does the same thing and ends up drowning. When he gets to heaven he’s mad at God and asks why He didn’t save him. God then says I heard your prayers and sent 3 people to save you, but you didn’t choose to accept the offer.
However, it is very important to note that however God chooses to heal us, we need to acknowledge this and thank Him and be grateful for the blessing realizing that it is from Him that we receive all our blessings.
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December 24, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Hot Springs LDS
I have a nifty little John ByTheWay Book on this theme with great quotes to share with our young people – Hot To Be Totally Miserable
It gently uses sarcasm on this them of being chronically miserable and shows how a happy person does things in exactly the opposite way.
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December 24, 2008 at 9:47 pm
NM
Ama,
I don’t want to come across dogmatic – or narrow-minded. I say what I say about Jesus only because of what He has done in my own life. Had it been CBT or any other type of therapy that helped, I would be singing its praises instead.
I agree that God has given us plenty of means with which to help; you only have to look at modern medicine with all of its amazing blessings to appreciate that =)
Like Greg said: it’s about recognising the source of our help…
Maybe I have the mistake of putting some of my own prejudices into my response. When I think about Reiki – I automatically think about Eastern mysticism and existential philsophies: the very things that sent me spiralling into despair and depression. =/
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December 28, 2008 at 3:35 am
Dan
I reached a point in my life where I thought it would be beneficial to ask forgiveness of those I thought I harmed during life. Many of the people that I contacted had no recollection of the incident I remembered. Frequently their response, “I’m glad you shared this, but I can’t remember what you’re talking about so stop feeling guilty about it.” I learned that I had been carrying an unnecessary burden more often than not.
This was a very prayerful endeavor for me because I didn’t want to dredge up bad feelings or increase hurt feelings for anyone.
Every time I did this I felt the love of the Savior wrap around me like a comforting blanket. His peace and love infused my soul.
Many of the people I sought forgiveness from were people that I believed did much more harm to me than I did to them. Regardless, when I called and without bringing up anything they did, simply apologizing for anything I had done, burdens were lifted that I had carried for most of my life. Thanks for you post.
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December 28, 2008 at 7:13 am
Ama
NM
What you said that Greg said about recognizing the source of our help is exactly why I wrote in the post that I felt the Reiki was an answer to prayer. If I didn’t emphasize this enough by saying that, then let me say here that I believe God can and does heal in many ways and for me in this time of my life I feel God led me to the “Reiki Lady” even though she wasn’t a believing Christian. Will I go running to her every time I have a problem? No! I’ll do exactly what I’ve done throughout my life and pray and ask God for help and He will lead my in the right path and whatever path He guides me in I’ll give him the thanks and the glory for it.
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